Deadly Doberman

I think my wife is losing her mind. Not that I haven't noticed it for the past four years or so, but it's becoming even more noticeable lately. Much like me, she's been running a lot lately. Only she runs farther. And sweats less, and doesn't breathe as heavily. And she kind of glides, whereas I have more of a "gallump." But I'm really losing my thought here. Anyways, she's losing her mind.
She's told me a couple things recently which, had they happened to me, I probably would have kept a secret to avoid the ridicule of a spiteful spouse. Some things just shouldn't even be shared between husband and wife. Especially this husband, because she should know I will subsequently post it on this blog site, which is read by thousands of people all across the nation and maybe even the world. She gave up her right to privacy, though, so here goes:
She said she had a huge fright while running the other night. As I have previously mentioned, there is a nice neighborhood across the street from ours which we frequent on our runs. While running into the entrance of that neighborhood, my wife said she saw two huge Doberman Pinschers. That kind of took me back a little, because I have seen dogs in that area, but the biggest they get is around one foot tall. They're more of an annoyance than a danger. But she said these Dobermen (plural form?) were huge. And just staring her down. She kind of slowed down and considered her options: Option #1--She could turn around and run the other direction; Option #2--She could keep running and hope the huge beasts would just ignore her; Option #3--She could wet her running shorts and start sobbing. She went with option #3 first, then after about ten minutes, took a few steps towards the dogs. They were still just staring at her, which was a little odd. Shouldn't they be barking or sniffing or something? She took one more deadly step towards them and all of a sudden, they quickly ran away. As she watched them fearfully flee, my wife suddenly realized that they weren't Doberman Pinschers at all! These crazy eyed, teeth-baring "dogs" WERE ACTUALLY DEER. My poor wife. After she told me the story, I tried to make her feel better.
"It's okay, honey...did you know that deer are actually more afraid of us than we are of them?"
But maybe it's not her fault. Maybe her eyes are going bad. For instance, one day later she told me that she was running in that same neighborhood and saw another big dog, staring her down. She got really scared, almost as scared as she was of the awful deer. But as she got closer, she realized that what she had been so afraid of was not a dog, but actually a LAWN CHAIR. Ah, yes, the all-too-common mistaking of a lawn chair for a ferocious dog. Who can blame her?
So we're having her eyes checked tonight, and I'm in the process of finding a psychiatrist. I love my wife, but honestly, this is out of control. I actually woke up last night to find her scratching my belly and trying to shake my hand. I just hope I can make her better before she tries to have me neutered.









LOOK OUT, KID!